Know that domestic violence IS a problem. The Apostle Paul wrote, "If one member suffers, all suffer together with it..." (1 Corinthians 12:26). Each time a woman is beaten or a child molested, we should all hurt. We must acknowledge the problem, for it does affect us.
View abuse as sin. Paul chastised the church at Corinth for failing to label abuse as sin. The church community had accepted incest without comment. He wrote, "It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not found even among pagans; for a man is living with his father's wife. And you are arrogant! Should you not rather have mourned, so that he who has done this would have been removed from among you?"
Be prepared to act. 1 John 3:18 tells us, "Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action." Awareness is important, but awareness alone will not prevent a child being beaten or a teenager being raped. We need to be prepared to act. Be ready to volunteer at the local women's shelter. Work with the guardian ad litem program in your area. What happens when abuse happens to or by members of YOUR church?
Listen. To often we immediately want to declare our outrage, or express disbelief. However, we must resist that urge and focus solely on the abused. "Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others" (Philippians 2:4).
Speak wisely.When we talked with someone experiencing abuse, we should choose our words wisely. Expressions of belief and support can be encouraging, and may make a huge difference for that person. Yet, we must resist the urge to vilify the abuser or make comments like, "I would have..." Many women do not want to leave the relationship (which is their decision to make). They may love their spouse (or children their parent) and feel defensive in the face of such criticisms. The issue is how the abused feels and what the abused wants. Colossians tells us, "Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you out to answer everyone" (4:5).
Support the decisions of the abused. Again, we need to honor the decisions of the abused--whether that means leaving the abuser or remaining. No matter which choice the abused person makes, we need to offer support, encouragement and prayer. We must be careful not to foist our own agenda's upon the abused person.
Honor the abused's privacy and confidentiality. I don't have a Scripture to support this one, nevertheless, it is imperative. Too many women and children have died because a helpful friend revealed the whereabouts of the abused. NEVER reveal where a woman is hiding. It doesn't matter how remorseful the abusers appears, how much he wants to apologize, how beautiful those flowers are, how miserable he is without her or how threatening he becomes--NEVER reveal where a woman is hiding. Also, do not gossip about the situation. If an abused person wants others to know private matters, that person will speak out.
Educate yourself. Take the time to be informed.
Be available. Jesus made a point of being available to those in need. Try to be as accessible as He was.
Admit abuse happens. If you believe abuse can never happen in your church, you are deceived. You are dangerously deceived. In my small local church, the pastors deal with domestic violence "every week". Remember 1 out of 3 women will suffer physical abuse. If you do not know about domestic violence in your congregation, something is very wrong. Statistics have shown that abuse is often more prevalent among religious believers.
Make contacts. Domestic violence among believers often has a spiritual aspect, yet that is only one aspect. Domestic violence has mental health, legal, financial, medical and educational aspects and consequences as well. You need to have contacts in the community to handle these aspects. Some of these workers have a reputation for being anti-Christian, which may concern you. But if you make a point of establishing contacts now, not in the midst of crisis, you can learn which workers in your community can help the abused. More you can become part of the network which educated workers.
Seek training. Jesus studied in the temple, even though He was God-incarnate. Dealing with domestic violence is difficult, you will not be able to "wing" it. You need to study, attend conferences, apprentice etc. Ministers often spend time learning how to manage church finances, or how to begin a mission or how to have a prophetic ministry--that same time needs to be taken to meet the challenge of the domestic violence epidemic.
Be wary of cheap forgiveness. Too often we like to "just forgive and make up". This is not the teaching of Christ. Jesus did say that we were to forgive when someone seeks forgiveness. However, our forgiveness must mirror the forgiveness of Christ. Jesus said that not everyone who says, "Lord, Lord" would belong to Him. Far to often, requests of forgiveness are just attempts to avoid consequences. More, even in the face of true repentance on the part of the abuser the abused may not be ready to forgive. Related to this, be careful not to use the good name of Christ to cover abuse. Never act as a character reference for the abuser; our call is to protect the oppressed.
Have the Scriptures ready. Know what the Bible says about abuse before you face the crisis.
Educate your congregation. Talk about domestic violence in sermons. Address child abuse in Sunday School. Put leaflets in the foyer. Paul said we perish for lack of knowledge. Make certain no one in your congregation will perish because they didn't know your church cared about domestic violence.
